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Monday, June 6, 2011

never forgotten

saturday morning started out like any other day, but ended with my heart broken.  my "1st child," as i liked to refer to her as, had a sudden heart attack and died.  i never ever ever ever could have imagined this happening.
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it's hard to let go of a best friend... one that followed you around everywhere. was so happy to see you any time of the day.  except for maybe in the mornings when i made her get out of bed.  :)  right now i don't want to move on, i don't want to let go, i just want to cry and wish it didn't happen.  i miss my punkies.
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a few things that in the midst of my heartbreak, i am thankful for... 1. that it was fast.  she didn't suffer but for maybe 30 seconds.  2. earlier that afternoon, austin took a really long nap, so i took sydney outside, where she loved to be.  we sat in a chair in the shade, and she laid back in my arms on her back.  we sat there for a long time and i rubbed her belly and loved on her.  so thankful for that last 1 on 1 time with her.  3. there was no blood involved.  God knew that this was enough for me to handle, and i couldn't have seen her run over and bleeding.  4. that she died at home, where she belonged, with her sweet little head in my hand.
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it's so weird to me that she's not here.  i keep thinking that i hear her, or that i need to take her out to potty.  when i get in bed, i expect her to be there.  i keep closing doors to keep her out of rooms.  there are little traces of her everywhere in our house, and i love to see them, but i also hate it.  they're just reminders that she's not here.
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i love you forever, punks.

sydney halo
october 3, 2007 - june 4, 2011

2 comments:

marinj said...

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that she passed! I've always liked her, altho I only met her one time, but I always enjoyed the posts about her. She wasn't very old was she? Hugs to you today as you adjust to life without Sydney.

The Sasser Crew said...

So sorry, Aish! I know how much you love that little girl!!