never forgotten

saturday morning started out like any other day, but ended with my heart broken.  my "1st child," as i liked to refer to her as, had a sudden heart attack and died.  i never ever ever ever could have imagined this happening.

it's hard to let go of a best friend... one that followed you around everywhere. was so happy to see you any time of the day.  except for maybe in the mornings when i made her get out of bed.  :)  right now i don't want to move on, i don't want to let go, i just want to cry and wish it didn't happen.  i miss my punkies.

a few things that in the midst of my heartbreak, i am thankful for... 1. that it was fast.  she didn't suffer but for maybe 30 seconds.  2. earlier that afternoon, austin took a really long nap, so i took sydney outside, where she loved to be.  we sat in a chair in the shade, and she laid back in my arms on her back.  we sat there for a long time and i rubbed her belly and loved on her.  so thankful for that last 1 on 1 time with her.  3. there was no blood involved.  God knew that this was enough for me to handle, and i couldn't have seen her run over and bleeding.  4. that she died at home, where she belonged, with her sweet little head in my hand.

it's so weird to me that she's not here.  i keep thinking that i hear her, or that i need to take her out to potty.  when i get in bed, i expect her to be there.  i keep closing doors to keep her out of rooms.  there are little traces of her everywhere in our house, and i love to see them, but i also hate it.  they're just reminders that she's not here.

i love you forever, punks.

sydney halo

october 3, 2007 - june 4, 2011