Tuesday, March 2, 2010

my scattered thoughts

i've been sitting here trying to come up with a black & white wednesday post for tomorrow, and i just can't do it.  my mind seems to be going in a bazillion different directions.  i'm not sure why.  i'm thinking and praying for layla grace.  she seems to take up a lot of space in my mind lately.  at first i wanted to stop following her on twitter, and try to erase her out of my thoughts, and God clearly told me not to do that.  it would have been easier for me not to keep up with her, and i sure wouldn't keep crying so much, but i'm so glad that i didn't give in to that selfishness.  i don't know what God is teaching me through her story, but i find myself more and more open to whatever it is.  all i know is that i haven't felt this close to Him in a long time.  maybe one reason is because i want to do something for her so badly.  maybe that's the mommy in me.  and the only thing that i can do is pray for her.  so that's what i've been doing.  it seemed a little strange to me at first that i've been so upset over her, knowing that children all over the world are sick and hurting.  why her?  why won't He let me get her sweet face off of my mind??  (if you're reading about layla grace for the first time, please click HERE to read her story!)  i guess the answer would be because He is using her in my life.  i don't want to do much or go many places.  i feel more comfortable at home, thinking about her and praying for her as i read her mom's updates via twitter.  i commented on her dad's blog post tonight and said that layla grace has changed my life.  she has.  she has made me closer to God.  closer to ben.  closer to austin.  i look at life differently.  i count my blessings frequently.  i hope i never ever forget this little girl and the impact that she has made on my life and so many others'.  i'm so thankful for her!  she's a princess.  she's an angel.

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